LEAPING OUT OF FEAR INTO EXCITEMENT

Last Sunday our pontoon of family and friends pulled up to the infamous “The Rocks” at Lake Oconee.  They rise about 30 feet out of the water (ok, maybe 15) and because they have a slope to them, one must take a running leap to avoid painful contact with the rocks on the way down.

We watched for a while as teen boys back-flipped and dove into the water.  Then a dad jumped in holding his four year old son.  When an eight year old boy took the leap, the hearty dialogue began between my courageous “do it; walk the talk, get out of your comfort zone” self and the timid “this will feel really bad” self.  The matter was settled when 1) a dog jumped off and 2) my son’s girlfriend said she wanted to do it but not alone.  Somehow the dog triggered my ego and the girlfriend ignited my “be a good hostess” persona.

So, off we swam to shore, clunked into a few underwater rocks that left bruises, climbed up a slippery ladder and stood atop the rock.  Have you ever noticed that from the top of something it looks a heck of lot higher than from below?

While standing up there, I remembered that the physical symptoms of fear and excitement are similar.  A major difference is that when you allow the symptoms and the mental chatter about fear to take over you become paralyzed (and have to crawl backwards down a ladder and experience acute humiliation) OR you can acknowledge those same symptoms as excitement and take the figurative running leap (in my case, it was a real one) into an exciting new and uncomfortable territory.

So, what’s the payoff for taking the leap?  When you face your fears AMAZING  things happen. You begin to live life more fully by not letting your fear of feeling bad slow you down (doing something highly dangerous that you are not prepared for is a whole other discussion).  You gain confidence, pride, satisfaction and greater joy from doing something out of your comfort zone .You even get to experience those great feelings over and over again by reliving them in your mind.  Best of all, little by little you will begin facing other fears and doing those things that you never thought you would do but dreamed of doing.

So ask yourself next time you are feeling the tug between fear and excitement:  “What would I do if I wasn’t feeling fear?” and if the answer is I would dance, leap off rocks, speak more in public or wear a tarantula (another story), then it is time to turn that fear into excitement and take the leap.

DIVING LESSONS

Diving munchkin

DIVING BOARD LESSONS
A few weeks ago I made a tactical error in choosing a community swimming pool as my place to relax and catch up on some summer reading.  As I circled the pool trying to find a distant spot away from 1) the speakers that were blaring rap tunes and 2) the teen groups that were doing normal, but loud teen stuff I landed next to the diving board.   I soon discovered that every jump off of the board caused reverberations that rattled my eardrums.  However, as I was determined to stay put AND be content, I put my book down and watched the young divers who ranged in age from 3 to 13.

I soon became enraptured with the cutest little three year old boy who ventured out onto the diving board.  Imagine a blond-headed munchkin with “floaties” gingerly making his way to within two feet of the board’s edge and ever so slightly “jumping” up and down to gently move the board.  In the water was his responsible daddy lovingly encouraging him to take the biggest and scariest leap of his life all the while holding out his arms ready to catch him.  I found myself riveted to the scene not wanting to miss the big jump, that leap of faith where I knew he would happily land in his daddy’s arms.  It never came on – at least on that afternoon.

I found myself thinking of that scene two days later while coaching my success group of women entrepreneurs who were all stuck at the end of their own personal diving boards.  Everyone was afraid to take a leap into the unknown, into new experiences and into the possibility of failure or rejection.  I told the story of the “diving munchkin” to see what gem of awareness, wisdom or encouragement was waiting for them to discover.  Each person had their own “a-ha” moment and in that moment, something shifted to remove a self-imposed fear and limitation.

Here were their more liberating perspectives:

• Moving from a comfort zone practices courage
• Leaping gets faster results
• You can either retreat and experience what you’ve always experienced OR move forward into something new and different
• Leaping into loving arms is worth feeling the fear

This made me ask myself: where in my life am I stuck like that three year old?  Where I am just sort of jumping up and down in place, literally going nowhere.  I certainly identified a few diving boards of my own as well as  my own liberating perspectives.  So I thank that darling diver, who may even be an Olympic diver someday, for showing me that it’s ok to jump!  I’ll just make sure that I have my floaties on and a set of divine or human arms to catch me.

SUCCESS BOOSTERS OR BUSTERS

I am always on the hunt for incredible strategies for success and have found some of the best success tips in the strangest places.  I recently discovered three tips while watching the auditions for the television program, So You Think You Can Dance.

I saw that those who dared to dream, set goals, put in the practice hours and lastly, showed up fully and fearlessly to compete were most often rewarded.  Success is in the making when you combine the key ingredients of vision, potential, passion, and action.

Success Booster or Buster #1:

Your word is a powerful energetic force by which you communicate, think and create the events in your life.

One dancer when asked about her desire to be in the competition answered with a quote from her mother: “My momma always told me that what you say, you speak into existence.”  She then went on to passionately talk about her dreams and her commitment to developing her potential to its fullest.

Ask yourself:

Do my words clearly express what I want OR do they send unclear messages?Are my words moving me forward OR keeping me stuck in place?

Success Booster or Buster #2:

No one can want something more than you want it for yourself.

Last season a dancer was eliminated because when asked about her desire to be on the show said that her friend and fellow competitor deserved it more than she did.  To the girl’s chagrin, the judges informed her that she had been selected, but now they would take her friend instead.  She returned this year equipped with newfound passion, commitment and Success Booster #1 (which was last year’s buster for her).

Ask yourself:

Do I want to invest my time and energy into making this happen?If this didn’t lead to the result that I wanted, would I still be glad that I took the time to work on it?

Success Booster or Buster #3:

Obstacles pave the way to success and excuses pave the way to failure.

Things come between us and our goals.  It happens daily and/or it can happen in one defining moment.  What you choose to do in those moments determine your ultimate success.  Many of those who were rejected in last season’s auditions returned stronger and better.  They took the advice they were given, which were obstacles at the time, and found ways to get over, around or through them.

Ask yourself:

What is stopping you from achieving your goal?Am I using my obstacle(s) as an excuse to avoid success (or more failure)?

When you start paying attention to successful people, places and events, you will discover success boosters and busters everywhere.  Once you find them, pack them up and put them into action.

5 Essential Steps to Creating a Coaching Culture

How can you create a workplace where people are leaderful, impactful  and work together in collaborative and innovative ways?

It’s easier than you might think for it does not require huge funds, nor more rules or regulations or meetings.  Organizations that have invested time and energy into providing a coaching structure that promotes individual and organizational growth report significantly reduced staff turnovers, increased productivity, greater happiness and satisfaction at work.

A coaching culture is a place where:

• People are continually discovering how they create their own reality and how they can change it
• Everyone understands the goals of the organization and the personal contributions necessary to  achieve them
• Organizational resources are maximized
• People focus on generative (creative) learning as well as adaptive (coping) learning
• High trust relationships are visibly present where people actively seek and effectively use feedback as a powerful learning tool

Step 1 ~  Establish the value of a coaching culture.

Share how a coaching culture provides a structure for how everyone can best interact with their environment and one another and stay aligned with the values and mission of the school.

Step 2 ~ Develop a shared understanding of HOW to coach.

Coaching conversations are more easily started and sustained between people. Effective communication flows in all directions in the workplace.

Step 3 ~ Lead by example.

Leaders who master coaching learn how to use powerful conversations and questions to become effective catalysts for change.  Walk the talk.

Step 4 ~ Create a feedback rich environment.

Set up feedback channels where people proactively seek, strive to understand and respond to feedback to expand the performance of individuals and teams.

Step 5 ~ Communicate coaching successes across the workplace.

One-to-one coaching is a good way to prove the case for coaching.  These successes can be used to help sustain momentum for building a coaching culture.

Creating a coaching culture takes time and focus.  For those willing to embark on the journey, the rewards will be great as untapped talent and potential is unlocked.

SUCCESS PHOBIA: DO YOU HAVE IT?

5 Easy Ways To Tell

What do snakes, spiders and success all have in common?   If you guessed “sources of fear” or “things we avoid” you are absolutely right!  While we can easily understand recoiling from snakes and spiders, it seems a bit strange to actively avoid success.  Isn’t success something you highly desire?  Or do you?

How do you know if you have success phobia? First consider its definition: “The disturbance of a person’s ability to comfortably handle achievement.”  Secondly, look at the three areas where success phobia is commonly seen:

• Avoidance of the final step to success
• Downplaying of successful accomplishment
• Ambition without goal setting

Lastly, read the five statements below.  If any of these sound a bit too familiar you may be keeping success just out of your reach.

#1 That’s not really me” or “That was luck…..a fluke.”

Downplaying your abilities or maintaining a false modesty does not build your personal power, the quality that says you are capable and worthy of all that you have achieved.  High personal power is a foundational quality for success.

#2  “I just can’t seem to set a goal.”

Failure to set goals guarantees that no goal will be achieved; thereby avoiding the feared perils of success.

#3  “When I get ahead (almost to the finish line, close to achieving a goal), I choke.”

This is most commonly seen with athletes as they fail to close out a tennis match or make the clutch putt.  This happens when you get face-to-face with attaining something for which you have been yearning for and working towards.

#4  If it’s meant to be…. or “The perfect (job, person, opportunity) will come along.”

One of my clients told me that he did not need to extol his virtues, strengths and abilities because they would speak for themselves.  This is a passive approach increasing the odds for failure.

#5  “I have too many interests to choose one” or “too many goals.”

This effectively guarantees non-action and keeps you in control of your own destiny which is not lined up for success.

Now let’s assume that you have success phobia and are wondering why you have it. Remember the part of the definition that said “comfortably handle achievement?”  It is not uncommon to feel uncomfortable as you get closer to success because success often signals change.  Subconsciously or even consciously you may wonder whether your success will bring greater responsibility, more pressure, higher exposure, increased standards of performance or less control of time and energy. Success may bring external demands from others and self-created and self-imposed expectations for the new successful you.

So, how do you get rid of success phobia?  The fact that you are now aware of it is a huge first step. Next, explore your underlying reasons or the assumptions you are making around success that create anxiety or fear. You may see how silly your fears are by bringing them out of the darkness into the light.  Lastly, begin to focus on creating a new success story where feelings of anxiety are accepted as normal and tha fear of the unknown or fear around loss of control are seen as an exciting part of your growth and necessary steps on your path to success.